May the lord smile on you

As you check-in with haste

For a flight is a chance

To sample and taste

Not the food on offer

That’s such a ponderous task

Can it be any less palatable?

One can just helplessly ask

With portions so small

They could plead a minority case

And ask for the reservation

Of being spared the human face

Save us the airhostess’s warmth

And spare us her ‘honest’ smile

She knows she has to put up with you

And it’s going to be quite a while

The in flight entertainment is a promise

Very few airlines can actually keep

In most cases it’s only the safety procedures

And those make you cower and weep

Turbulence is a constant companion

That usually stirs things on deck

And it doesn’t really help your case

If you happen to be a nervous wreck

The in flight magazine is immersed

With pointless ads till it spills over

The only content worth reading

Is usually the title on the cover

That brings you to the people

You rub elbows with during the flight

Usually your fate is so disgustingly rotten

That random selection can seem to do no right

The cell phone conversations are not put off

Until the release of the very last sound byte

You’d guess the world would stop on its axis

If that conversation didn’t turn out just right

They will plunder your books and shake your faith

In human nature for the rest of time

And drool so much on your shoulder in their sleep

That you pray it be made a punishable crime

They will bustle you when the flight lands

And rush off to make the door

Lining up with furious intent

Like there is an Olympic race in store

But enough slandering of our fellow passengers

Not all of them are so mortally bad

Some of them just might, just might

Be the most interesting company you’ve ever had

For nothing excites a human more

Than meeting an attractive stranger in the air

For this is what they call a flight of fancy

And then everything henceforth seems utterly fair

The food seems nice, the temperatures just right

And people develop halos around their head

Before long even the stoutest resolve will find

He will like the very things he did once dread

That’s why they have the seatbelt my lord

And now it has dawned on me

It’s to contain our generous paunches

When an angel comes to set us free

So help me suck in my stomach my lord

We don’t want to scare her now

It’s only an optical illusion I ask for

That will improve my chances and how

I have asked with great frugality, dear one

Whenever I have flown under your watch

All I ask is a seat next to an angel my lord

And that I prefer to vintage scotch